Ugh, I feel horrible. I've been feeling lousy for three days now, three. This exam has been looming over me for the whole week, the pressure of getting my assignments done, tension at work, and just the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness.
Its nice to have a boyfriend that is much more organized than you are in just about every aspect of life. It makes me happy that he can help me sort things out. Like school for example. Last night I told him that I wasn't sure what classes I wanted to take over the summer, or what I even needed to take. I honestly had no idea what I was doing. Thanks to his level-headness, John went out of his way to find out what courses I need to take in order to be an integrative physiology major. It was really sweet of him to do that especially since he didn't have to do anything thing at all. So now I know what classes I'll be taking this summer and during the fall semester. I'm really excited and it seems like I finally know what I am going to be doing in my life. At least for the next few months.
Show us a neighbor.
My roommate at LPC and the neighbor next door. Wreaking havoc in the dorm hallway. Good times.
I don't mean to brag or anything but its true. My God, its just some sometimes he is just irresistible and when he plays guitar its one of those times. Though sometimes he is kinda gawking... Which is not so hot... But just now he was really really good looking. Even now when he is learning how to play a Beatles song, hitting a few wrong chords, and get frustrated over it; I still can't help but be swooned like a love-struck girl. Which is what I am. So that's okay. I love him. I love being in love with him. Its awesome.
Yes, I am still in love! Think I will be for a long time... But its good to remind yourself that every now and then. Mostly because I will think that it was just my imagination. But no, its real. Much better than what my mind could make up on its own. Love rocks.
Decided not to do the Avon Walk since they require you to raise up a ridiculous amount of money. So yeah, not gonna do that. John and I decided to start up slow then move on to something bigger like the Avon Walk.
So yeah, back to that love thing... Its wonderful, better than anything I could hope for. Its so good that sometimes I have doubts that things are really as good as they are. Or if I am doing something that could screw up such a good thing. I think this is a normal thing. But I do worry that I am acting inappropriately. I am a little crazy, but do I sometimes act too crazy? Am I being an annoying brat? Is the sarcasm starting to get to him? There are thoughts like these that plague my conscience constantly. John says I should worry so much... I know he's right but I do worry anyways. I guess thats normal. Though I have a feeling I do it more than what is considered healthy since I also have an anxiety disorder. I tend to freak out.
Maybe I should just stop thinking. That would solve a lot of problems... But that would also be a very BAD thing. Whatever, I'll figure it out someday.
What aspect of your personality could use a little work?
A little work???
Is this a trick question or something? Well, I know that I still need to work on being responsible. Big time. Its something that I have been struggling with ever since I was given responsibility over anything! I do not blow things off just for the hell of it, it just happens. I either forget what I was doing or become so overwhelmed by it that I do nothing about it.
So yeah, that does need some work.
I thank God I have John in my life to help me with this.
There is a reason why I put that title on that post. Its gonna get so sugary and cutesy that only the brave few will survive through it.
I AM IN LOOOOOVE!!!!!!
WOW, I am so in love that there is no doubt at all that I am in love. For those of you that have no idea what I am talking about, I am in love with my boyfriend, JOHN. Remember that name, for I will say it many times.
Probably not, but if I do say it a lot its good to know.
So yeah, I am absolutely head over heels for John. When I see him I scream like a teenage girl on crack in my head, "OMG ITS JOOOOOHN!@1# I LOOOOVE HIM!!!@*(U@# 4" That is an exaggeration of course... Really.
In all seriousness, I have never felt this way for another person in my whole life. I had my ideas on what love was but its so much greater than what ever imagined. Sure we have our very occasional rough patches but the fact that we got out of them with a greater understanding for one another just builds on the love we have. Its a beautiful thing.
This relationship is the greatest that has happened to me, and for John (I think...). We are both growing so much through this and its the greatest honor to part of another person's growth in faith and in life in general. I can see that John has been growing spiritually in leaps and bounds which gives me nothing but joy to see. He is going to church regularly with me now, and the fact that HE was the one that asked if he could tag along nearly knocked me off my chair.
John has also changed me so much too. I have a newfound love for life that I thought was long lost. I am having a blast at school, I am starting to draw again, and I am even cooking! My family sees the difference in me and I most definitely can feel that change too.
Love is the best thing someone could ever experience, and I thank God that I am experiencing it now.
This is crazy... I have spent every single day that I have been back in the States with John. Wow, I really really really like him. Its insane. I feel insanely happy around him. And at times I feel completely out of control. Church was great today. I wish I had brought John along. I know I need to bring him in soon because I feel this may be my chance to get him share my faith. I need to sleep but I will write later.
Ok, so... Life got complicated. Go figure.
The boyfriend and I came to the conclusion that a relationship at this point in time was a mistake. This was a very wise decision but it still sucks. Its like that one song from The Fray, "...Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
It doesn't help that I'm still crazy about him. Its even worse that we work together too, flirting is inevitable and painfully awkward. There are moments where I want to hit my head against the wall or throw John against the wall. Or hit John's head against the wall... Its a confusing myriad of emotions.
Thank God I'm going to be out of the country for three weeks. I need to get out of here. And most importantly, I need to see my parents. I miss them so much that it hurts, I nearly cried tonight. In public. I never cry in public.
Bah, I don't wanna write any more right now.
The unthinkable has happened...Thats right, I have a boyfriend. And I've only been in Colorado for two months. The really scary thing is that I like this guy. A lot. A lot, a lot. I mean, after he asked me out I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the night. It was embarrassing but I am so stinking happy. And that never really happens that often.
There is one problem... We are coworkers and we have no idea if there's even a dating policy. Like hell if I'm the one thats gonna bring it up with Patty, the boss. Though, we both have a feeling that she has been trying to hook us up. Could be wrong though.
I have a good feeling about this. I hope my intuition is right.
Recent Comments